A Guide to Understanding Masking in Autistic Girls
What is Masking?
Masking is when a child hides parts of who they are in order to fit in.
They might copy others, stay quiet, force eye- contact, or push themselves to respond in ways that feel uncomfortable or unnatural. Often, this happens without adults realising because on the outside, they may seem like they are coping well or ‘fine’. Masking is often a way of trying to feel safe, accepted, and understood.
Masking can be easy to miss, especially in girls.
You might notice:
She seems fine at school, but needs to release everything at home
She watches and copies other children closely
She puts a lot of effort into getting things ‘right’
She finds it hard to say when something feels difficult
She feels very tired after social situations
She worries about making mistakes
She appears confident, but feels anxious inside
Many girls learn to blend in, even when it takes a lot of energy.
Sometimes, a girl may look like she is coping well, but inside, she may be working incredibly hard to manage each day.
When masking is not recognised, this effort can build up and affect her wellbeing and mental health.
It takes energy
Masking can be exhausting.
She may come home feeling completely drained.
Her needs may be missed
If she appears to cope, she may not get the support she needs.
It can affect her sense of self
She may begin to question who she really is.
It can increase anxiety
Trying to /get it right’ all the time can feel overwhelming.
It can lead to burnout
Over time, the effort of masking can become too much.
HOW TO SUPPORT
The goal is not to remove masking completely,
but to help her feel safe enough to be herself.
You can:
Create a home environment where she can fully relax
Reduce pressure to meet expectations that feel overwhelming
Offer time and space to recover after school
Gently validate her feelings, even if they’re hard for her to explain
Notice signs of tiredness as well as distress
Feeling safe is the first step towards unmasking.
REFLECTION FOR PARENTS
You might like to think about:
When does my child seem most tired or emotional?
Where might she be using a lot of energy to cope?
When does she seem most relaxed and herself?
What helps her feel safe and accepted?
Noticing these things is a helpful first step.
Many autistic girls learn to hide their needs and are often misunderstood or overlooked.
By noticing, listening, and responding with care, you are helping your child feel safer to be herself.
If you're looking for a child-friendly way to help a young autistic girl understand and celebrate who she is, my book I'm Autistic & Fabulous! was written specifically for girls aged 5–10 and has been recommended by leading autism professionals.